Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
