In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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