Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
