i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
