I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
