I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
