My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
