ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
