Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
