I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
