We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
