Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
