I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
