i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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