Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
