While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
