The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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