I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
