I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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