Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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