HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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