Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize