I must be too annoying 4 u.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Randomize