You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
