she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
