I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
