I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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