I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
