Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize