i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
