Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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