We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
