genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
