there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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