if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
