The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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