Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
