I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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