Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
