that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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