capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
