I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
