just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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