This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize