its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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