Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
