I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
