It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
