I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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