i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
