thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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