I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
