okay pat passed out under dana's car
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
