the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
