marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
