I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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