You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
