my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
