it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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