I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Your penis caused this!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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