There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
