somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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