Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize
