I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
