plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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