do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
