I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
