What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
