I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
