The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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