Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
