Non-Jews are for practice
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You are the jesus of drinking
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
