I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize