u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize