Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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