I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
