Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
