Apparently you make a good broom.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
