I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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