My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
